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bessalicious
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Name: Michelle
Location: Raleigh, North Carolina, United States
Gender: Female
Interests: dance. loud-music. boys. clothes. nsync. sleeping. eating. partying. dancing. singing. shopping. flirting. laughing. E-mail.s pictures. AIM. chocolate. bubble gum. driving. smiling. kanga. snuggling. hugging. kissing..driving around. kisses on the cheek. holding hands. forehead kisses. dancing in cars. dancing in parking lots. britney spears. naps that last all day. coldstone. bojangles. the used. highschool. concerts. screaming. summer. tanning. laying out. stars. love
Expertise: you know.
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  Bassfisherchick
Member Since:
8/7/2004
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i want a boy..
a nice and bad boy.
he'll tell me we're like corey and topanga.
he'll give me his favorite sweatshirt.
he'll call me at 3am and ask me what i'm doing.
he'll tell me he couldn't fall asleep because he was thinking about me, and he needed to hear my voice.
he'll text me everyday before school saying "hey babe! hope you have a great day! i love you!"
and he always whispers something sweet in my ear.
he'll take me to a concert to see his favorite band.
and he won't get embarrassed to tell me he loves me in front of his friends.
when I cry he'll tell me I'm too beautiful to and he'll kiss every tear.
he'll always make me feel better because he knows the perfect things to say to me.
all of his friends will know we're in love because he'll talk about me to them.
he'll stay up with me all night when im sick.
when we're walking together he'll stop and pick up a flower and put it behind my ear.
he'll love everything about me and tell me that i'm perfect.
we always end up laughing about silly fights.
we wont get mad for making fun of each other because we crack up at every bit of it.
even if we're a million years old, butterflies will still go crazy inside of me every time he kisses me.
he'll tell me he'd die without me.
he'll surprise me by bringing me over my favorite food when I'm having a bad day.
he would think I was beautiful if I dressed so crappy it was classy.
when we go out for ice cream, he'll put some on my nose
then I'll put some all over his face.
and we just never stop laughing.
he wouldn't be scared to cry in front of me
and would hold me when I cry.
he'll introduce me to his friends as the coolest girl he’s ever met.
he'll buy me jewelry and bouncy balls from vending machines.
we would have contests of how far we could spit our gum, or how far we could jump off a swing.
he'll take walks with me in the snow, and we'll catch snowflakes on our tongues.
he would grab my waist and kiss my neck.
and we'd always take pictures in photo booths.
he'll let me go places with his mom.
we would play tag and not care whos watching.
we'd kiss in the rain.
and when i hear him speak, i'll fall in love all over again.
i want a boy who can argue over stupid things with me and then go totally soft when i got sad and apologize.
i want someone who would lay with me outside under the stars.
someone who will squirt me with water guns in the house
when we kissed our hips would be pressed together.
i want someone to be there no matter what always and forever.
i'll be his everything.
and he'll be even more to me.
he will love me for always and forever. <3 |
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| i know this girl, more than anyone else in this world knows her. every day she wakes up and plasters a lipgloss-covered smile on...forces her eyes to look happy, enhanced by mascara. forces her stylish clad feet to make the walks that drag her through the days.....days that blend into each other day by day. everyone asks her how she could possibly be happy and carefree all the time; she just flashes what she thinks is a convincing smile and utters a witty remark about her slack schedule or the fact that friday is nearing by the second. all the world's a stage, all the men and women merely players. this is her act. behind the smiles, laughs, and hugs, there's a very confused, scared, hesitant girl....hiding, afraid that people might see that side of her. when alone, she drops all acts, and just thinks. thinking turns to worry, worry turns to tears. before you know it, she's cried all her mascara off, and her glossy lips no longer smile. she'll look in the mirror and ask herself..."why are you crying? what the hell is your PROBLEM?" and honestly....she can't answer it. what the hell is her problem? maybe she misses home. maybe she misses friendships she used to have throughout the year. maybe she realizes that she's been falling in like....deeper and deeper every day, and can't stop it, even though she knows that all things this good never last. so every day she asks herself why, and still she can't answer. no doctor will ever diagnose her, doctors are so quick to diagnose. this is her hurdle, she's going to have to deal with it on her own, no one can help. although she wants them to, she realizes she has to find an answer to make herself truly happy every hour of the day like she used to be. finding the answer will be the hard part...
don't be fooled by me. Don't be fooled by the face I wear. for I wear a mask. I wear a thousand masks, masks that I'm afraid to take off and none of them are me. Pretending is an art that is second nature to me, but don't be fooled, for God's sake don't be fooled.
I give you the impression I'm secure and that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without, that confidence is my name, coolness my game, that water is calm and I'm in command and that I need no one, but don't believe me, please don't believe me.
My surface may be smooth, but my surface is a mask, my ever varying and ever concealing mask. Beneath it dwells the real confusion, fear and aloneness. Beneath lies my smugness, my complacently, but I hide this, I don't want anyone to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear being exposed. That's why I frantically created masks to hide behind, nonchalant sophisticated facades to help me pretend, to shield me from the glance that knows, but such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only salvation and I know it. That is if it's followed by acceptance. If it's followed by love, it's the only thing that can liberate me from myself, from my own self-built prison walls and from the barriers that I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me of what I cannot assure myself, that I'm really worth while, but I don't tell you this, I don't dare. I'm afraid to. I'm afraid that acceptance and love will not follow your glance. I'm afraid you'll think less of me and you'll laugh and your laugh will kill me. I'm afraid that deep down, I'm nothing and that I'm just no good and that you'll see this and reject me.
So I play my game, my desperate pretending with the facade of assurance on the outside and a trembling child within. And so begins the parade of masks, the glittering, but empty parade of masks and my life becomes a front.
I idly chatter to you in suave tones of surface talk. I tell you everything that's really nothing and nothing of what's everything and what's crying within me. So when I'm through going through my routine, do not be fooled by what I'm saying. Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying, what I'd like to be able to say, but for survival I need to say, but what I can't say.
I dislike hiding; honestly, I dislike the superficial game I'm playing, this superficial phony game. I'd really like to be genuine, spontaneous and me, but you've got to help me, you've got to hold out your hand, even when it's the last thing I seem to want or need.
You can help wipe away from my eyes the blank stare of grieving dead. You can help call me into aliveness each time you're kind, gentle and encouraging. Each time you try to understand because you really care, my heart begins to grow wings, very small wings, and very feeble wings, but wings. If you choose to, please choose to.
You can help break down the wall behind which I tremble. You can remove my mask. You can help release me from my shadowed world of panic and uncertainty. From my lonely prison.
So do not pass me by, please don't pass me by. It will not be easy for you. A lone conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls. The nearer you approach me, the blinder I may strike back. It's irrational, but despite what books say about man, I am irrational, I fight against the very things that I cry out for, but I am told love is stronger than strong walls.
In this lies my hope, my only hope, please help beat down those walls with firm hands, but with gentle hands, for a child is very sensitive. Who am I, you may wonder? I am someone you know very well. For I am me. I am you. I am everyone you will ever meet. So please. Listen to what i'm NOT saying. And hear me speak.
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| catherine likes fake wee wees.
catherine likes them in her fess
she plays with fake wee wees all day
catherine likes fake wee wees
the end
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| She wanted something else, something different, something more.. passion and romance, perhaps, or maybe quiet conversations in candlelit rooms...or perhaps something as simple as not being second best.
she dreams in color | | |
| 30 THINGS GUYS SHOULD KNOW ABOUT GIRLS: written by a guy. after years of experience.
1.Whatever you do, don't just show up at their house...they run around in their underwear just like we do.
2. DON'T CHEAT ON THEM. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, they WILL find out and you will be mud.
3. Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your ass at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn't even wait for the damn hat.
4. Never miss an opportunity to tell them they're beautiful.
5. Don't refuse to kiss in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it's because they're jealous.
6. If they slap you hard, you deserved it.
7. Don't be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they're going out with you in the first place, it's because they like being in your arms.
8. You can be dirty minded in private, really...most of them are not offended by it...
9. Not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can eat like whales.
10. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you're a pussy..
11. Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay all the time!
12. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts, and a really pretty ring. Even if it's not a serious relationship.
13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's home safely.
14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to beat the shit out of him.
15. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer.
16. Never, ever slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, "Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never make any gestures back.
17. Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went.
18. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents, and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.
19. Don't flirt with their moms...that's just freaky.
20. Don't be freaked out by PMS. It's not gross, and it really does make them feel like shit, so be understanding.
21. If you don't like the way they drive, you do it.
22. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend.
23. Don't stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with you.
24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked.
25. Girls are fragile. Even if you're play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.
26. Memorize their birthdays!!! You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life.
27. Don't marinade the cologne, but smell good.
28. Don't give her something stupid for her birthday or Christmas or Valentine's day. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful. Jewelry is always nice.
29. If you think the relationship isn't going to last, don't wait to find out. It will only hurt you more if you draw it out.
30. After you've been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond.
........yeahhhh...one day..
well i'm starin out my window.. wondering what it is that i should have said.. | | |
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